Tonight I commit that each time I hear an owl screech I will use it as my reminder to pray. I can use it's eerie screech as a reminder of the cry for help all the people in need - not just of love but for their basic needs to be provided. I pray for humanity to find love.

The flower of life just came on Electric Sheep http://electricsheep.org/

Coincidence? I think not!

Syn-chronic-isit-y

Waiting

Watching the moon rise
and waiting...
I can see the perfect circle--whole, one.

See the hawk fly low
to catch some food.

Bright light reflected
in us, mirroring you.

The Family

So... what is the hype?  I keep hearing and seeing this phrase popping up everywhere.  What does it mean?  I know in SoCal there used to be a specific crew who threw parties called "Family Parties".  However, I do not know who they were and I've never been to one.  I'm talking about every crew who refers to the rest of their crew as the "family".  I find this amusing and am not necessarily knocking the reference.  I think that in some sense it is misleading and confusing, as well as exclusive... which leads to exclusion.  But, as a part of many families, I really can't complain.        (from November 11, 2008)

Double Winning!

Two Coffees, Two Benadryl, Two Tamales, and Two Earl Grey Saffron Teas! Its a day of Twos! April Twenty Second. I love Watsonville, especially when I meet men like Fernando in a parking lot selling fresh homemade HOT tamales out of his van that his wife makes. He said his wife has allergies like I do. This is my second Friday in a row of having an allergy attack! We just watched Micmacs which is a brilliant French movie by Jean-Pierre Jeunet (of Amelie fame) about arms trade that was completely enchanting. This past week my professor Gina (of Santa Cruz, also a hypnotist) led a guided meditation in my Color class and we painted from what we experienced during the meditation. The second class we painted from colors that we felt. This was mean to be symbolic representation. I painted from my dream about the yellowish-orange-peach 'Burning Man-esque' bus I got on with the mother driving and child on board. When I stepped on and it started moving the child disappeared. I walked to the middle of the bus and there were couches and a table that were the same peachy color. I apologized for getting on the bus and the woman said there was no need to apologize, I got on board because I wanted to. Then she asked me where I wanted to go. I looked at the exit and back at her, and I told her my destination. And then I woke up. My southern friend Kevin used to call me a peach. Like, a Georgia Peach. "Aren't you just a peach!?" My painting reflects the balance between adulthood and childhood. It also emanates the eternal question of - Do I want to have a child? As I look forward to all the fun experiences to be had, the ocean and the forest ~ The Earth... and the music, art, & spiritual experiences... What is next? I'm not ready to have a child with all that is out there to conquer in the universe. Still, though, the question looms. Are you ever ready? My husband and I talked about whether or not we wanted children on our first 'date' when I kidnapped him and we went to that second show in Reno. He said he didn't know if he would bring a child into this world (due to it's 'condition'.) We joke/make believe about children in the future a lot. I am led to believe that this dream must be about a business we will create ~ our destiny showing it's clear path ahead, since the issue of children is still some time away. This makes perfect sense because it was my second observation on the topic. Onward HO!

FOMO WMC?

If you have FOMO (fear of missing out) on Winter Music Conference this year... don't fret.  Paul Oakenfold put out a free mix for us, whether we can make it or not. 

Free Winter Music Conference Mix!!

Post Nasal Drip

Vibration is stronger than your mind

We can unwind in time

I see myself in moments with you

Your peace rises

Heat heightens

As I try to pretend

I am not afraid of every single day

Ambition takes the least of me

While motivation steals my soul from being free

Don't ever forget that you are blessed

10/25/06

Back to School Supply trip to Oakland today...?

Ok, so I need these things by Tuesday.  Going to the city to get them at Dick Blick seems like the cheapest route to take...

http://www.dickblick.com/lists/wishlist/T6AB61DG1MIBR/items/ 

So much driving, so little time! 

Just a little something from 2008

I feel a need to write

As if I am unsettled

Yes, it is so...

I am at a crossroads

Grasping to my youth

At the same time

Awaiting my arrival into adulthood

At almost 27, this seems as if it has been postponed

Ten years ago I thought I was an adult

And have thought that this whole time

I've made adult decisions

Somehow I always manage to fall and need helped back up

I feel ashamed

Because I am not good enough to do it all on my own

And jealous of those who can 

I feel as if I am faulted, though

Because I know I am a strong, confident woman

So... my insecurities lash out... Why?

Am I really afraid of rejection?

Why?

I am so scared when I don't know the "how"

I want to let go of all of this negative

But I have to continue to make choices

I feel guilt

I want to overcome

I want to be wanted undeniably

Feel the strength and support of another's love encourage me

What is so wrong with that?

Why am I sad?

Memory of a Color

The color of twilight has always had an impression on me.  It is not just a color, but a moment in time that can be of serious aid in composing the most beautiful photographs.  Often I am not lugging my camera around and have to make mental note of the pictures that I feel would be most beautiful, but not captured.  This was the case early one morning when driving from La Selva beach with my friend Tiffani back to my previous home where she and her boyfriend were staying while looking for a new house.  Her boyfriend Zach had a gig at a party that was happening at La Selva and it looked like he was going to be playing a next-day kind of set.  She had to work the next day and wanted to sleep, so we left Zach at the party, because despite not wanting to wait around for the gig, he did want to play as well as earn money for a haircut and a burrito (so he said).  When we were driving on Hwy 1, there is a down-slope near the Bay Ave/Porter exit which is kind of in between Santa Cruz County.  I will never forget the color of the sky at that moment.  It was about 5 or 6 am in August and the sky was a brilliant blue green color, the color that reminds me of Lake Tahoe when you drive through South Lake and get a peek at the lake and it's different shades based on the different temperatures/depths.  I can also remember the emotion associated with this experience, of Tiffani leaving Zach there, feeling guilty knowing that he was going to have to find his own way back... but also of us being pretty bored at the party, over it and just all around ready to go home... When we came down Hwy 1 all of the sudden it was so intense, beautiful and the moment made me remember that I was alive.  (Sometimes you forget...) Every time I drive past this exit I revert back to this moment and in my mind, the sky becomes that same color it once was, no matter what color it actually is.  When we got home that "twighlight" morning, my husband was still awake, working on music.  I was happy to see that he was awake and able to revel in the moment with me, noticing the color of the sky during sunrise.  Sunrise happens every day, but often we are not awake to notice.  These days, when I am awake at that time, I always try to make sure to snap a photo to document the sky and the colors associated with that moment... and try to remember to be mindful and thankful for being alive.