Just a little something from 2008

I feel a need to write

As if I am unsettled

Yes, it is so...

I am at a crossroads

Grasping to my youth

At the same time

Awaiting my arrival into adulthood

At almost 27, this seems as if it has been postponed

Ten years ago I thought I was an adult

And have thought that this whole time

I've made adult decisions

Somehow I always manage to fall and need helped back up

I feel ashamed

Because I am not good enough to do it all on my own

And jealous of those who can 

I feel as if I am faulted, though

Because I know I am a strong, confident woman

So... my insecurities lash out... Why?

Am I really afraid of rejection?

Why?

I am so scared when I don't know the "how"

I want to let go of all of this negative

But I have to continue to make choices

I feel guilt

I want to overcome

I want to be wanted undeniably

Feel the strength and support of another's love encourage me

What is so wrong with that?

Why am I sad?

Memory of a Color

The color of twilight has always had an impression on me.  It is not just a color, but a moment in time that can be of serious aid in composing the most beautiful photographs.  Often I am not lugging my camera around and have to make mental note of the pictures that I feel would be most beautiful, but not captured.  This was the case early one morning when driving from La Selva beach with my friend Tiffani back to my previous home where she and her boyfriend were staying while looking for a new house.  Her boyfriend Zach had a gig at a party that was happening at La Selva and it looked like he was going to be playing a next-day kind of set.  She had to work the next day and wanted to sleep, so we left Zach at the party, because despite not wanting to wait around for the gig, he did want to play as well as earn money for a haircut and a burrito (so he said).  When we were driving on Hwy 1, there is a down-slope near the Bay Ave/Porter exit which is kind of in between Santa Cruz County.  I will never forget the color of the sky at that moment.  It was about 5 or 6 am in August and the sky was a brilliant blue green color, the color that reminds me of Lake Tahoe when you drive through South Lake and get a peek at the lake and it's different shades based on the different temperatures/depths.  I can also remember the emotion associated with this experience, of Tiffani leaving Zach there, feeling guilty knowing that he was going to have to find his own way back... but also of us being pretty bored at the party, over it and just all around ready to go home... When we came down Hwy 1 all of the sudden it was so intense, beautiful and the moment made me remember that I was alive.  (Sometimes you forget...) Every time I drive past this exit I revert back to this moment and in my mind, the sky becomes that same color it once was, no matter what color it actually is.  When we got home that "twighlight" morning, my husband was still awake, working on music.  I was happy to see that he was awake and able to revel in the moment with me, noticing the color of the sky during sunrise.  Sunrise happens every day, but often we are not awake to notice.  These days, when I am awake at that time, I always try to make sure to snap a photo to document the sky and the colors associated with that moment... and try to remember to be mindful and thankful for being alive.

Mercury is Stagnant

I discovered a theory tonight.  The white t-shirt guys are inter-dimensional beings.  Here me out... Once my husband and I were driving to North Lake Tahoe from South Lake Tahoe, on hwy 50 before you get to the 28.  Near Cave Rock, where I proposed to him, which is also sacred Indian land... there was a guy in a white t-shirt walking in the middle of the hwy like he was trying to commit suicide.  I was going probably 50 mph and was lucky to see him b/c of the white t-shirt.  It has always struck out in my mind as strange.  Shortly after that, in 2008 I went to Love Parade in SF with my friend Alex.  There were multiple ambulances that made their way through the Massive that day.  On our way out, we went walking the wrong way out of the chaos and walked by a what appeared to be a murder scene.  We realized we were misled and went back past the horrible site.  I think I remember at this moment actually asking out loud if anyone else saw the guy sitting up against the wall in the white t-shirt with his head buried in the shirt.  I think I remember someone saying no, they didn't see him.  Whether these are ghosts or spirits trying to cross over, I'm not sure.  But the thoughts came out from thinking about the energetic effects of the people around you, conversations about the How Weird Street Fair in SF and the overall thought of reincarnation.  

In other news, there is a mistake in the movie The Thin Red Line around xxx - "I'm pretty sure it was well documented, it was a pretty big mistake."  You could see three dudes in shorts and the video camera as well!  ;)

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Mercury Retrograde

As of today, December 10 Mercury has gone retrograde.  What does that mean?  Well, it is an opportunity to reflect on what has happened... and supposedly you should not make any major decisions or sign any contracts during this period.  I have found that int the past it has been impossible to not make major moves during this period and often end up moving during a mercury retrograde.  However, if you set something in motion before this period I think that is a helpful benefit to the change.  Difficulties in communication can be known to occur during retrograde periods... Think before you speak. 

"All's Well That Ends Well"

Holidays seem to bring on the extra stress (and sugar) that can lead to feeling a little under the weather.  My health regime involves first and foremost trying to get regular exercise, coming from someone who doesn't like to exercise this can be a tough thing to state first but its probably the most important.  These days I've picked up dancing with a pair of mini-hula-hoops indoors; hula-hoops seem to be great for facilitating stretching as well!  I drink a lot of tea, antioxidant-rich goodness warms my soul and helps neutralize free radicals in the body.  Make sure to brew your own though and avoid already made ice teas that have artificial sweeteners.  Real organic cane sugar, turbinado or "raw" sugar,  local bee pollen honey (great for allergies), stevia or even my new favorite discovery of yacon syrup are all better, healthier choices.  At this point I'm not sure where I stand on Agave syrup, but that is another subject...  My current tea choices rotate between Yerba Mate (great get-up-and-go drink for sustained energy, weight management and high in vitamins & minerals), Celestial Seasonings Echinacea Complete Care Wellness Tea, Traditional Medicinals (any), Chai, Genmaicha (green tea with toasted brown rice) or Pu-erh (which I have only recently discovered since moving to Santa Cruz in the past year).  Chinese herbal medicine and Acupuncture seem to believe that when attuning ones body to the energy and philosophies of yin and yang, one should drink green teas in the spring and summer and drink black teas in the fall and winter.  

Another new aspect involved in moving from a snowy mountain climate to a lush ocean climate has been allergies and hay fever.  Cordyceps (a mushroom that grows out of the silk worm in Nepal) helps keep it under control and promotes healthy lung functioning.  My understanding of allergies is that usually your immune system has been compromised, therefore you need to boost it back up.  Mycelia (Mushrooms) have incredible healing powers and there are many varieties and combos available for specific needs.  Visit your local health food stores vitamin section and I'm sure someone can help you to find a good recommendation.  Colostrum is another excellent immune-boosting magical development.  It is made from a cows pre-milk and in some countries was given to children and the elderly to keep them well.

 When all else fails, diced (non-refridgerated) raw garlic swallowed down by a glassful of water will help cure anything!  It is a natural antibiotic.  Tumeric is a wonder plant as well... Don't forget to drink water!

While on the topic of drinking, a Holidaze cocktail happened upon the Digital Honey duo which involved a variation of the master cleanse - juiced ginger, maple syrup (Grade B is best), fresh squeezed lemon juice and Vodka in a sugar-pumpkin spice-cayenne pepper rimmed martini glass.  I just couldn't leave the sugar topic alone, could I?  Cheers to you and yours this holiday season, may your days be merry and bright!  ~DD

***I wrote this blog post while participating in the Bookieboo and Earth Footwear "All's Well That Ends Well" blogging program, making me eligible to win a pair of Earth Footwear boots. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

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